AkelaNest by Aparajita Krishna: A reflective, deeply personal exploration of single living and ageing in India today, AkelaNest by Aparajita Krishna examines aloneness, community, resilience and evolving family structures with clarity, honesty and emotional insight.

This in-depth, multi-voiced reflection on Akelaness and the evolving culture of single living in India 2025 brings together writers, filmmakers, actors, artists and thinkers to examine ageing, solitude, community, emotional resilience and shifting family structures. Through deeply personal experiences—of never marrying, being divorced, living apart in marriage, embracing solitude, caring for ageing parents, navigating grief, or building chosen families—the article explores how Indians are redefining companionship, independence and support systems in a rapidly changing society. It highlights the decline of the joint family, the rise of nuclear and solo households, the emotional realities of living alone, and the urgent need for compassionate, community-based models for senior living. Honest, relatable and socially relevant, this piece offers a powerful look at how individuals across classes and professions are negotiating love, loneliness, purpose and belonging in contemporary India.

I must confess at the very outset that this article comes from deep within me, now at 64, living as a single woman for decades.
My own AkelaNest/Akelaness/Aloneness-living propels the article. A catharsis? (smiling and fearful emojis). AkelaNest is touching many lives in India 2025 and in many cases engulfing them. I am an only child. Parents departed in their mid-late 80s. I did have my relationships. I was once married and subsequently divorced. Have not been in a man-woman love-relationship for a whole while. No children in the picture. I have been living on my own in Mumbai since 1984 and for most part as a single woman. Must further confess that psychologically and emotionally age has caught up. This article is also an existential Q to myself. Do note that aloneness need not necessarily be loneliness. Here is a collective thinking on the matter from me and with very valued inputs from contributors. It makes for a multidimensional take on the subject.
I am being specific to India 2025 and to adult, or, senior-age-living.

We are caught in a transition of ‘The old order changeth, yielding place to new’. The new system is still a work in progress. The Indian joint-family system which was in my childhood and younger years kind of institutionalised, well-founded, affordable and taken for granted, is now in a flux. A collective-commune-old age-living is still an idea to bear fruition. Commune, as in a group of people, not from the same family, who live together and share their property and responsibilities. The rich can afford their Aloneness financially. The middle-class and the poor India is caught nowhere.

Do also note that I am not talking here about the trendy shark-builders’-driven-real-estate building proposals for the rich, middle-class senior-citizens, that offer all facilities for retired, old age living in a single complex. Their advertisements cater to the super-affluent, or, the economically comfortable ones. These are essentially real-estate deals inviting seniors to invest in a 1-2-3-bedroom apartment bookings under-construction. They highlight community living splendour with high-tech gyms, restaurants, swimming pool, shops, walking tracks etc.
I am trying to understand the future I am poised at as a middle-class single woman. How do we singletons approach our coming older years? Like many of you I have singly looked after my aged parents in Mumbai till their death in their late 80s, a couple of years back. I did at times feel completely weighed down with life at a pause button. I recall my father commenting—‘Hamare baad tum free ho jaogi!’ I looked after them with the help of my domestic staff and with the very critical, embracing support from Belle-Vue Multi-Speciality Hospital, (Mumbai) headed by Dr Vijay. N. Lulla, his team and with the ready support of my Housing-Society members; especially Mr Shabbir Poonawala, Ms Suchita Shabbir, Mr and Mrs Gavaskar, Mr and Mrs Naqvi. As also thanks to a dear part of my extended family that lives in Delhi and a dear niece in Mumbai.
I had an aunt whose three adult children (two daughters and a son) had to circumstantially, or, by choice, move to live abroad. With my uncle having passed away earlier she was now to be taken care of. Taking her abroad seemed most challenging. I could not take on her responsibility along with my parents. Imagine the strength of our Indian extended family system (still there in parts) that her remaining years was spent in Pune (Maharashtra) looked after by her daughter-in-law’s (Bahu’s) family in India. They looked after her so very well. ‘Kyunki Samdhan Bhi Toh Parivaar Hai’. My idea for a future ‘Kyunki….’ TV serial franchise. 😊

Technology driven social-networking, WhatsApp chat groups, are a phenomenon to be examined. The WhatsApp groups are substituting for personal one-to-one meetings, interactions. Living alone needs this connect now.
I am very grateful for the inputs from people herein. Many of it worked as a clinical therapy for me. I am at the end of this ‘pieces of minds’ feeling a little more peaceful. Seriously, it led to a shared debate and give and take. It went even beyond just being single, akela…
My leading questions to elicit answers were: (1) At this point in your life in India are you negotiating it as a single person, not in a marriage, or, in an emotional relationship? Were you ever married? 2) A personal-sociological study informs that Indians in India 2025, especially in the metros, cities are increasingly living a single-person life, on their own. Not in a family-nest. Either never married, or, divorced, or, the relationship is over. Living physically and emotionally alone without a partner of the opposite sex, or, same sex. How lonely, or, empowering is this in India 2025? 3) The joint family system in Indian cities, towns, is rapidly giving way to a nuclear, insular, alone living. NRI’s have multiplied leaving older parents behind in India. As the world is getting more globalised, digitally-multiconnected, the individual in us is getting insular. For better or worse? 4) As a single person do you fear old-age living? 5) Should people like us plan for a social-system, centres, facilities that empower community living-togetherness in older years? Not in the way that our property developers, real-estate sharks are advertising their very expensive, elite, unaffordable designer lay-out projects. The advertisements are so exotic that they may frighten many like me.

Lest the topic frightens you of being morbid, saddening, let me start with the example of a lady, now in her 70s. Gursharn Kaur Panesar – Mani to friends. Journalist Nina Arora preciously informed me of her. She has emerged to be a wonderful living example. Abandoned by husband years back, for another woman, she had to raise her little son and daughter on her own. She made her Akelaness into a collective Nest for the less fortunate. Providing education to the very under-privileged children. Forty years back there was an article in the Savvy magazine on her. It informs us as to how older citizens can immerse themselves in activities that value-add not only to their lives but to that of others.
NINA ARORA (Journalist, Screenwriter, National Award Winner)

Overjoyed that Mani was awarded Nationwide recognition! TATVA 2025 gave her (on Nov 8, 2025) LAJA Luminous Diva Awards. She is my dearest friend, philosopher and guide, our Woman of Substance—Mani! Proud mother of equally talented offspring, the renowned music-composer/singer/ arranger Raju Singh and of successful entrepreneurs and homemakers Rajee (daughter) and Shirley Singh (daughter-in-law).
Mani has been providing education to underprivileged children for decades. A septuagenarian, she still devotes 10 hours daily, 6 days a week, to teaching 67 slum kids personally in her own house! She fits in no box. For decades she has been educating 1000s of children. She started with her domestic helper’s children. Others from the slums then came to her. She would provide them with refreshments. She initiated them to be hygienic; taught them manners as is socially accepted so as to make them more equal to face an unequal society. At home she was a working woman for her own children.

50 years ago, she had started a beauty parlour in her house to supplement income. Beauty parlour ran successful and her son became a successful musician. After years the woman for whom her husband had abandoned her got cancer. Mani went to the hospital to look after her sautan. Woman died. Husband was profusely apologetic and gave Mani the house that was in his name. Mani keeps telling me, ‘Ninaji aap kyun mujhe jhaad pe chadate ho? Maine kuch nahi kiya hai.’

ARIF ZAKARIA (Actor)
Single living is a two-edged sword. The rules of engagement are suspended as you are the master of your time and space. The flip side is periods of loneliness and a lack of conversation. As humans we need to talk constantly to expand our spectrum in all aspects.
Sometimes the household chores become a one-man, continuous show, which could get exhausting. We live in times of great information being thrown at us every second via our gadgets. There are many avenues to keep engaged and occupied. In this age of high connectivity being single is a luxury which some can afford. Being a happy single, or, a miserable single depends upon your outlook towards life, social conditioning and circumstances. There are advantages and disadvantages to both statuses.
As to ‘Does old-age and its accompanying challenges frighten one as a prospect that will come knocking?’ I think it’s a common fright umbrella we all seek umbrage under.

HARINDER BAWEJA (Journalist and author of ‘They Will Shoot You, Madam’)
Being single does not translate to being alone, or, being lonely. I am 64, never married and am perfectly comfortable with my life choices. I am passionate about life, my work and my vast family of friends.
My nieces are like my daughters and I have never ever felt what is called ‘The empty nest syndrome.’ There are days when I choose solitude consciously just as I opt for evenings with friends with whom I can put my feet up and let my hair down. I don’t waste my today, thinking about tomorrow. I am not one for age-old-homes, or, community living for the elderly and may I add, I understand those who opt for such facilities. Live and let live. Will I change my mind a decade later? I don’t know. I am focused on today. Life is beautiful – despite its knocks and who is it, that has escaped the knocks? The knocks give you courage and fortitude to keep going. Embrace life, that’s my simple mantra.
USHA DIXIT (Dialogue-writer, director, editor)

‘Yun toh hum khud bhi nahi apne, Yun toh jo bhi hai apna nai…’. I did not marry. I did not meet a person with whom I would have liked to link my whole life. No relationship also. (Yeh sach hai 😊).
Yes, there has been the one-sided love 2-3 times, but I could not garner the strength to communicate it out. Hence one did not experience a heartbreak either. The biggest advantage of being single, alone is that aap apni Marzi ke maalik hain, you are the master of your own life. You can make your own choices. There is no need to seek anyone else’s permission. That is why if someone tries to give advice without having sought for, or, tries to enforce his/her opinion, then I get angry. Those who live alone, more so the women who live alone get habituated to it. But even today the world at large has not got used to women who choose to be single. I am a solo-traveller. I have alone travelled many places in India and abroad and the one question I am constantly asked is ‘Aap akeli aayi hain?’/ ‘You have come alone?’
Work, struggle and family responsibilities have not till now allowed me to feel that Akelapan/Aloneness. I don’t know about the future though! I have earned some very good friends (You too Appy are included in that list). We may not meet for years, but if the need arises, they are just one call away and will come running. On the whole I am happy with my saabut/full heart. Someone has said, ‘The ability to be alone is the key to personal freedom.’

SUHAIL TATARI (Television & Film Director)
I am a single man, unattached and unentangled.
How alone one truly is, depends less on circumstance and more on the mind’s inner landscape. In the creative life, solitude is not a curse — it is, in fact, the fertile ground where imagination breathes.
To be alone, then, is not necessarily to be lonely. Yet, the presence of a partner, a friend, or even a kindred spirit can be a beautiful counterpoint — especially when that bond kindles a creative spark, a shared high of inspiration.
Unfortunately, society, as an institution, offers few options to seek or nurture such connections. Opportunities to meet, to discover companionship, or to forge meaningful friendships are shrinking in the noise of modern life.
In this changing world, ‘akélaness’ — the art of being alone — has almost become a new mantra. Many in our generation, especially the single ones, have taken it upon themselves to care for aging parents, finding purpose in that responsibility. Yet, as we move closer to our own later years, we must begin imagining new ways of belonging — perhaps through community living, shared spaces, or even friendships found within old-age homes.

The government and our social systems, too, must awaken to this quiet revolution — for the number of single individuals is steadily rising, particularly in the metros and larger cities.
As marriages falter and traditional family structures loosen, we will need to think beyond convention — to create new, compassionate ways of living and connecting.

VIJAY AKELA (Film Lyricist, Author, RJ)
(He brings in a very different touch, take, to the article. And trust me ‘Akela’ usage in my article-title is not on-purpose a copyright infringement 😊)
I am not unattached. I am happily married. My wife, Shahnaaz, has resided in the UAE since the day we exchanged vows. She is a Maths teacher in Abu Dhabi. She provides a profound solitude that inspires a poet, and I offer her the utmost respect that today’s woman deserves. When we re-unite after months apart, the love and respect we share naturally multiply, become double and even triple in intensity. I believe many observe our marriage as a model for a tranquil life. (Me: Ahhh! Interesting. So, you two physically live separately for most of the while, but in great bonding.)

From my observations of society, it seems a boyfriend and girlfriend should remain together, whereas a husband and wife should not. Marriage tends to extinguish love right from the start, so it might be wiser to end the marriage on the very day it begins. We made that choice, which is why we continue to be lovers. No, we are not divorced.
Those who are together day and night may choose to part ways, unlike us, who may be physically apart, but remain connected in spirit. We see each other quite often. Whenever I have some free time, I travel to Dubai and during her holidays Shahnaaz comes to Mumbai. We are blessed with a 20-year-old son, a talented footballer, who is currently pursuing his engineering studies.

RUCHA PATHAK (Film-Producer)
Being an only child, I think I was quietly prepared for the art of being single. Over time, I have come to see that even within marriage, or, relationships, we all learn to be our own person—to stand alone with grace. I have been married and divorced, and that experience taught me a great deal about love, companionship, and the importance of inner strength. We are born alone and we leave the world alone, but in-between we build circles of love—friends, family, companions—who make the journey richer.
Though my marriage has transformed into friendship now, it remains a meaningful bond. I am also blessed with a wonderful tribe of women who have stood by me longer than most relationships, and we truly hold each other up. With friends from every chapter of my life –school, college, work—loneliness rarely finds space. If anything, I have learnt to cherish solitude; it feels like coming home to myself.
ARUNDHATI GANORKAR (Former model-actor. Currently ‘Lady of Leisure’).

I can’t speak for others, but the situation that I am in I think I don’t wish to invest myself in more than what I can manage. Even though I am not in a relationship with a man, I do wish there was a man I could share good moments with. We could create a support system for one another. I still have my mother and sibling with whom I interact. And that too draws a lot of energy and commitment to keep it going. Currently I don’t have the freedom to live alone, but I think I would thoroughly enjoy the space and freedom.
Relationships need to be worked at as individuals are becoming financially and emotionally (more so women) independent. I think the definition of a relationship is changing and breaking the old shackles. It takes a lot of strength, good communication skills, acceptance and commitment for any relationship to sustain.

Personally, I now have less patience for people, having not dealt with their issues, or, not making efforts to resolve them. I have no tolerance for other people’s garbage (complaints, or, cribbing), or, drama. I prefer being alone, or, maybe minimally interact with like-minded individuals. And that would be also the solution for being together in old age. I have an aunt who has got herself parked into an old-age-facility and is happy doing her gardening and other activities. She has an individualistic attitude so it works for her.
MONIKA CHANDNA (Painter, Interior-Designer)

My husband Sanjay Chandna expired on 22nd June 2025 just at the age of 61. I will be 60 in January next year. My son and daughter-in-law are settled in Toronto. I don’t see myself as of now, not in the near future, shifting there. I have to search myself now alone.
As a single woman now, I do not fear old-age-living since I have realised that nothing in life is certain. What will happen the very next moment is itself uncertain. So, I do not worry about the future. Akelaness is now a new life-format for me. So, I am blank right now, searching within. Yes, I thing communities and facilities for senior-living is a great way to encounter this issue. Main issue is how to manage like-minded people living together in a community with similar interests.

ANURAADHA TEWARI (Writer-Director)
THE ART OF LIVING FREELY: I am one of those never married, still single, happy go lucky characters that you have seen only in Chick Flicks, though there they always have a happily ever after with a man in the end. I have no such ambitions.
At this point. I truly believe that not having married so far is perhaps one of the smartest things I have done, or, not done in life. Not because I didn’t find people, but I wasn’t convinced about partnering them permanently. Neither was I very convinced about the Set Up, Marriage is, or has become. Over the years, the Single Status became a luxury. A status so liberating that to give up on it felt like the toughest barter in the world. A status I get the maximum envy for. Like Tourists in a Land Rover watching lions roam about freely in the Mara (ok, I know that’s stretching it).
Is it lonely? Yes. A few times in a year. That’s it. Why would I want to give up the extra mind space just for those few times, or repeat any of the wrong relationship trauma again? Instead, I have learnt to be my own Husband and my own Wife. In that, I am playing traditional roles in my own head. The Husband Me earns, provides, protects, makes rational decisions and is generally good with logistics. Add to this a demanding career, a packed travel schedule and a hectic social life. Where is the time to feel lonely? Even if I were to find someone worthwhile, where in my crazily packed day would I fit him in? Hence, my daily celebration of Singlehood.

Of course, the fundamental principle at work here is the ability to do stuff alone. The genuine joy of spending time with yourself. To have a great self-relationship. To be friends with your own Personality. Some of it came naturally, some of it needed intense Self Work and Therapy.
Yes, indeed, Akelaness is the new Nest. A safe, warm, happy one. A space where nothing interferes with my Energy, except for my 2 dogs. The other Nest is a community where Friends are Family. An idea I floated 10 years ago, which seems to be picking up finally. I am already part of a WhatsApp Group.
Quite a few amongst the members have bought houses next to each other and will be shifting in the next 2-3 years. I am hoping for this to become a way of life and perhaps join in the distant future. Life is an adventure, and I see ageing as a grand, fun part of it. Alone or not.

SEEMA KAPOOR (Author, Film-Maker)
I am not into any man-woman, husband-wife, lover relationship. After Omji’s (Actor Om Puri, her friend, then husband, then divorced, then re-united till his unfortunate death) passing away I am alone. I have through it all been living life on my own, alone. He again chose to come back into my life along with a whole lot of his burdens, problems and again one got entangled in those complicated threads.
Unfortunately, ‘Aloneness’ for women, or, even for men is increasing with time. Now for years they have chosen to opt for not staying within a joint-family and instead opted for a nuclear family. As working, earning members they have got caught in a struggle for earning more income. All seemed fine. A house, a car could be bought on loan. But the question that arose was of the upkeep of children.
In a nuclear family there were no grandparents, uncles-aunts to look after jointly. Families shrunk smaller and smaller. Also, ego-issues emerged amongst the partners. Becoming alone, lonely became a fate-accompli. This aloneness, single-living can well become a tragedy as we step more and more towards old-age.

In this century the assertion of ‘I/Me’ and the receding of patience is the prime cause for the state of affairs. I do not hold the men solely responsible for the crisis. Women too carry the responsibility. As a single woman in the present, I do not fear old-age living.
Perhaps because I am spiritual and believe unquestioningly in my God. Also, I am amidst my family and friends who are so precious. I have their support and they have mine. One should forge good and precious relationships in life that stand bonded all through the phases in life. No outsider came to break-up the joint family system. Since we ourselves have broken the social-system conducive to old living then it is we alone who will have to mend it. Just reflect on the number of old-age homes that have been steadily growing over the past say fifty years. Across all the segments of society, be it the rich or the poor.
A very pertinent note, issue, raised by Seema Kapoor to end the article on. It is for us all to reflect on for our own future. Let us get back to the jointest of joint-family-friendship living 😊! ‘Fevicol Ka Jod Hai. Tute Se Bhi Nahi Tutegi. Hamari Dosti.’