A telegram announced her arrival into this world. Just three words, but how they changed our lives. I had to wait six months to see her. When my eyes fell upon her sleeping face for the first time, I was charmed. She was a beautiful child, with eyes that looked into mine with an expression that made me wonder whether she could read my thoughts. She took full advantage of the fact that I had taken an instant liking for her and ensured that I picked her up and held her every single time I peeped into her makeshift cloth-crib.

The next time I saw her was after three years. She was a lean child whose eyes had not lost any of that intensity. If at all, there was a brooding beauty about them, which is rare for a three and a half year old. She exhibited all the typical traits of a toddler and was vociferous about her likes and more so dislikes. She had a fiery temper and a fiercely independent spirit. She knew exactly what she wanted and would insist on having her way every time she would be faced with a conflict. She was fond of dogs to the extent that she would join a pack of street-living canines and had to be extricated from the roaming gangs of which she was a seamless part. Her mother had to deal with the disappearance of entire meals which she would happily feed her hungry furry ‘friends’.

She loved to sing and dance as also to make the adults around her dance to her tunes quite effortlessly. The arrival of a younger sibling a year later did not deter her from her antics. She just added to her repertoire of antics and got away with everything because of her sweet and disarming demeanour. After all, there are few things as cute as a naughty four year old.

Years passed and she grew to become a serious and focused teenager. She took up a professional course and studied hard to earn her bachelor’s degree. The path she had chosen put her in close vicinity of humanitarian work and she jumped wholeheartedly into it. She gained proficiency in her efforts and also set new standards in her work. She had an amazing list of accomplishments in her youth. She became a mentor to her younger colleagues and an inspiration to her friends. I watched her with the pride of a parent and the joy of a woman seeing another reach out and touch new horizons of hope.

It was a beautiful life.

Then, the invitations started coming in. One by one, her friends were getting engaged and married. There were weddings in every season. The questions started subsequently.

“Is there someone on your mind?”

“Would you like to meet this really nice boy?”

“That aunt was asking you to wear a saree tomorrow when we go to her house. There are prospective grooms in her family.”

“Why do you work so late?”

“Who do you call at late hours?”

“When do we get a chance to celebrate?”

“If one has to have children, then there has to be a plan.”

She was flippant at the beginning and then started getting mildly irritated. Slowly, the dialogue became strained and the questions, more direct. She was made to meet a variety of prospective grooms, a situation she did not like being a part of. After spending an hour with the prospect, she would be asked her opinion. She would say she required time. The prospective groom would almost always give his consent. She would find it hard to justify why she did not want to marry someone she had met for just one hour. Arguments and tears would be the inevitable end of any conversation she had with her parents.

Slowly, her life turned into a battle that was played out every day. She was asked to meet more and more young men. She wasn’t very happy with such an arrangement. But saying anything would unleash a spectrum of angry responses from her parents which would terrify her.

This continued for some years. Her upbringing so far had been one where independence was encouraged. She was in a profession where she had to attend to emergencies where intervention was always between serious and sometimes life and death situations. She would try to spend more and more time at work and took up working almost all waking hours of the day.

This made her question the values with which her parents had brought her up. She would sometimes get bitter and ask her mother if she was a burden to the family. The way things were when she was growing up and the emphasis on her education was in direct contrast to what was expected of her now.

There were, however, no answers and no explanations. The communication between the family members became extremely strained and often close relatives were called in to mediate.

This is a situation in an educated, middle class family where girl children are welcomed and expected to be proficient in studies and have a career. These are the families who proudly say they support their male and female children equally and have no differences in their upbringing. These are families who take pride in their daughters’ achievements. They are the self-proclaimed torch bearers of the brave new paradigm where there is no gender discrimination.

And yet, such is the ground reality. It is the story of every young girl who has dared to question the existing system. The words that are spoken by elders with a lot of conviction, many a times do not corroborate with their actions. This is a situation where it is fashionable to speak about gender equality while putting only a convenient part of it in practice. This is a society which professes to believe in freedom of speech and action but does not allow it when it touches some core area of belief that anyone questions, be it your own child who you have given the highest priority in your life.

Thousands of girls get married and become a part of the system they do not believe in. Choosing a partner is fine if certain unspoken parameters are followed, and if not, a suitable match is chosen discreetly by the parents or the family. The right to decide whether or not to follow a certain system and the right to postpone or do away with marriage is not an option.

Subsequently, the young woman found someone she liked and after a few years, also decided to get married to the partner of her choice. She was a rare and lucky one who stood her ground and did not give in to the demands of a society that expects very specific things from a woman.

For the thousands of other young women though, it is a constant battle with the system that they often lose because they get no support or even acknowledgement of what they want from their life. Most of them get married within the strict boundaries of time, community, class and religion that they may or may not believe in, but have no voice to speak up against.